Not Without You
by CarvingKnife
Summary: Rangiku has been grieving over a major loss lately, but what does she seem to be hiding? And where has Izuru disappeared to? Could they both be a part of something unacceptable? Spoiler alert for events in recent chapters. Slight GinKira fluff.


**A/N: A bit of a spoiler alert. So this came out of nowhere. I am not this far in the manga, but someone spoiled what happens to one of my favorite characters in the recent chapters. I'm in denial. This was born out of a need to keep him alive. I REFUSE to accept his death. This is a one-shot, but if I ever feel like it in the near future, I might add a little sequal.**

**Contains a bit of GinKira fluff, 'cause I just couldn't help it. I adore reviews. Jus' sayin'.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything from Bleach. Tite Kubo does. I just toy with the characers a bit.**

Rangiku Matsumoto lazily stared out the window, chin in her hand. Shinigami passed by, going about their usual day happily; glad to have some sort of victory under their belts. Rangiku sighed. Victory?

She still couldn't get the image out of her head. That last moment. The look in his eyes. The sound of her own anguished cry. It all seemed so far away, yet the pain was so fresh.

"Rangiku!"

The strawberry blonde lieutenant jumped, nearly knocking her chair over, before spinning around and coming face-to-face with Toshiro Hitsuguya. "Oh my, Taichou! You almost made me pop out of my top!"

"Nice try," the young captain sighed, "But your heart wasn't really into it."

Rangiku tried her hardest not to frown. "Whatever do you mean?"

"The way you've been moping around lately, it's obvious," Toshiro chided. "I get it, but don't forget that we're all expected to get back to the way things used to be around here."

"Easy for you to say," she mumbled under her breath.

"Have you seen Kira Fukutaichou?"

The question startled Rangiku back to attention. "Uh, no. Why?"

"Someone from the third division stopped by looking for him. It seems like he's been missing for days," the white-haired shinigami said, crossing his arms. He flashed his lieutenant a pointed look. "You wouldn't happen to know where he might be. Would you?"

The female lieutenant shook her head, bringing her attention back to the window until she felt her captain leave the room. Sighing once more, she got up and snuck out of the office, flash stepping away. Of course she knew where he was.

* * *

She found herself in the outskirts of the Seireitei, hiking up a steep hill to get to her destination. The cave was hidden unless you knew exactly where to find it, which of course, she did.

"Izuru?" Rangiku called, her voice echoing in the enclosed space. A small fire blazed in the middle of the area, banishing the slight chill that had settled into the cave. A shadow stirred off to her left and she spun around to find the man she was looking for, dirty and covered with caked-on blood. "How long do you plan on staying here?" she asked, crossing her arms under her large chest.

"I can't just leave," Izuru said, a worried expression crossing his face. He glanced over at a mound of blankets lying on one side of the fire, every once in a while moving up and down with every ragged breath of the one beneath them. Silver hair poked out through the end of the covers, a pained look showing on Gin's unconscious face, Shinsou lying not far away.

"You know that I can look after him," Rangiku persuaded. "People are starting to wonder where you went."

The blonde man shook his head, "You don't have experience from the fourth division. What if he destabilizes? Besides, I distributed my workload to my third and fourth seats. I should be fine for a while."

"Fine," the voluptuous lieutenant said, glancing at Gin Ichimaru's broken body. "I'll be back tomorrow to check on you."

She didn't want to leave. It was one of the hardest things she had to do, but nothing was harder than thinking that her childhood friend was dead.

She remembered when Izuru came up to her to ask for her help. She had begun to shut down. Her body went numb, and it was as if everything that went on around her stopped existing. Izuru had tried to speak to her, to explain, but she just stared at a wall; none of it reaching her ears. Finally, he had taken her hand and forced her into a flash-step. It wasn't until she was already in the cave looking down at the ex-captain's face that she realized what was going on. She began to cry.

The meek lieutenant then explained that he had found Gin, barely alive and breathing, and pulled him out of the wreckage, healing what he could on the spot before carrying him to the cave and working all night to stabilize his condition. She wanted to stay and help watch over the comatose ex-shinigami, but Izuru calmly explained that they couldn't both be unaccounted for. It would raise suspicions, and he was pretty sure that what they were doing was nowhere near legal.

So, Rangiku kept an eye on things in the Seireitei, coming back every once in a while to inquire on Gin's condition. He stayed the same, every once in a while needing a bit of healing here or there, but mostly remaining stable and unconscious.

Sighing, the tenth division lieutenant flash-stepped back to the Seireitei.

* * *

As promised, Rangiku came back the next day only to find Izuru frantically running his hands down the silver-haired man's chest, every once in a while sending a pulse of green healing power through his palms.

"What's wrong!" she cried, kneeling next to the unmoving body, not knowing what to do.

"His heartbeat is all over the place! I-I can't get it to stop! I don't know what to do!" the hysterical shinigami screeched, tears running down his cheeks as he continued to move his hands over that lifeless body.

"Keep trying!" Rangiku shouted, getting up and flash-stepping back to the Seireitei as fast as she could. She had no clue what she was going to do when she got there, but she had to try anything. As soon as she reached the gate, the strawberry blonde woman made a bee-line for the fourth division.

Healers were everywhere, but she didn't know what to do, who to ask for help. Her voice caught in her throat, a shallow sob escaping her lips as she nearly collapsed in defeat. She couldn't tell anyone. They would surely kill him if they found out.

"Um . . . M-Matsumoto Fukutaichou?" a timid voice said from behind her, a small hand resting on her shoulder comfortingly. "A-are you alright? Your reiatsu is kinda fluctuating."

She turned to find the small seventh seat of the fourth division with a concerned look on his face.

"Hey, you," Rangiku croaked, unable to get the sob out of her voice. "Come with me. I need your help."

"Well, I . . ."

She didn't wait for him to finish before grabbing him by the collar and rushing into a flash-step. Ignoring the black-haired man's squeaky protests, Rangiku quickly carried him the distance to the cave, stopping right outside the entrance to catch her breath.

"W-what's going on?" Hanataro asked confusedly.

"There's someone in there that needs help," the lieutenant answered between breaths, "I need you to go in there and help him, no matter what reasons you might have not to. Just . . . help him."

The seventh seat nodded, still confused as to what exactly was going on, but knowing when he was needed. He entered the cave to find Izuru still hard at work, the tears flowing freely from his eyes. He then noticed who was lying on the ground .

"But that's . . ." he began with a gasp but paused as soon as the anguished man looked up at him pleadingly. Biting back his tongue, Hanataro moved to examine Gin's unresponsive body and got to work.

It took hours of Rangiku pacing back and forth, breath hitching with every step, hours of Izuru doing what he could to help before finally collapsing back against a rocky wall, staring at the fire with those salty drops still carving into his face, hours of both believing that this was it, he was gone and there was no way they could bring him back, before Hanataro finally stepped back, exhausted.

"He's stable now," he explained. "I had to fix up a few bones and his heart seemed to have suffered from the stress, but I think he's going to be fine."

Izuru could do nothing but nod.

"Thank you," Rangiku managed to say. "Please, don't mention anything about this to anyone."

"I might not understand what happened," the tiny shinigami said somberly, "But I do understand that sometimes, people just have their reasons, and that all I can do is trust you know what you're doing and offer what I can when I'm needed."

The female shinigami stared, open-mouthed for a moment before shaking out of it and smiling at the deceptively wise seventh seat, "Wait outside for a second? I'll have Izuru take you back."

Hanataro nodded and left the cave as Rangiku turned to the smoldering shinigami in the corner. "Izuru?" she said, taking the man by the arm and pulling him to his feet. "You need to take that boy back now."

"But . . ."

"No buts," she scolded, pushing him towards the exit. "Gin will be fine. I'll stay to watch over him, but you need to go home and rest and let the rest of the Seireitei know that you haven't crawled into some abandoned hole and died."

She gave him one final shove out the opening and waited until she felt the two boys' reiatsu disappear before settling down next to Gin.

"You know," she said, gazing worriedly at the fragile man and running her fingers through light strands of hair, "That boy is a wreck without you."

* * *

Izuru couldn't stay away for more than a day. He tried, but the thought of his former captain passing away silently in the night scared the hell out of him. So, as soon as he had assured his squad members that he was, indeed, alive and of a sound mind, he left.

"You're looking better," Rangiku smiled at the docile shinigami as soon as he appeared.

"Yeah, I cleaned up a bit," he said, rubbing the back of his neck. "How is he?"

"Same as he was last night, though his breathing is better," the woman answered, stretching tiredly and standing. "I need fresh air."

Izuru nodded, moving aside to allow Rangiku to pass before making his way over to settle beside Gin. Placing a gentle hand on his former-captain's cheek, he was relieved to find that the clammy fever had subsided. Izuru felt as if he might cry again as he rubbed his thumb across skin that had no business remaining so soft.

Gin was strong, despite his inclination towards mischief. The concerned lieutenant always admired him for that. He never forgot the day they first met. Izuru felt helpless and terrified, even with his classmates standing beside him. He was not ready to face death, and his panic had caused him to scream as he felt the hot breath of every hollow growing near. Had the fox-faced shinigami not shown up alongside Aizen, baring his strength to take down most of the hollows with one blow, Izuru assumed that they would not have survived.

He sighed, leaning his head back to rest on the cave wall. So much has changed since then; it was starting to give him a headache. There was one thing that seemed to remain the same, though. He was still too weak. Too weak to even save the man he cared for. Izuru knew that he was helpless when Gin's heart stopped, when life seemed to drain out of his body. If it weren't for Rangiku and Hanataro . . . he didn't want to think about it.

"Ne, Izuru?"

Izuru started, pulling his hand away and gazing down at the injured man, light blue eyes open in slits and a small smile spreading across his face.

"T-Taichou?"

"I haven' been ya Taichou for a long time, Izuru," Gin said sadly, that smile faltering for just moment.

"S-Sorry, sir," the third division lieutenant mumbled, unable to stop himself from thinking of Gin as anything less than his captain.

"Where are we?"

"It's a cave outside the Seireitei," Izuru answered, hugging his knees. "I brought you here after . . ." He trailed off.

"Why?"

"It's secluded and . . ."

"Tha's not what I meant," Gin interrupted, shaking his head slightly and cringing at the pain. "Why'd ya save me? After all I put ya through."

The blonde man choked on his words, tears threatening every time he opened his mouth until he finally managed to croak out, "I couldn't just let you die."

"Izuru? Why are ya cryin'?" the recovering man asked, worry furrowing his silver brows.

Damn! He had tried so hard to keep the tears back, but now that they had made their appearance, he couldn't stop them from cascading down his cheeks.

"Why did you leave me?" Izuru sobbed, wiping futilely at his damp face. Gin just stared, taken aback by the question.

"I understand why you left; you had your reasons, but," the hysterical shinigami hiccupped, burying his face in his hands. "Why did you have to leave me behind!"

"I didn' wanna," the older man whispered so quietly that the other nearly missed it. "I wanted ta ask ya to come."

"Why didn't you?" Izuru questioned, moving his head to the side to peer at Gin over his knees.

"'Cause I knew ya'd say yes," he replied softly, opening Azure eyes to gaze solemnly at his former subordinate.

Izuru wiped at his last remaining tears, a look of confusion crossing his face.

"Ya woulda followed me anywhere," Gin explained, reaching a weak hand out to simply touch the side of the blonde's salty face. "I couldn' give ya tha' choice. I didn' want ya ta make tha wrong one jus' for me. I always cared 'bout ya, why do ya think I made ya my Lieutenant?"

"Aizen said. . ." Izuru sniffed before Gin cut him off.

"Even if tha' wasn' tha case, I woulda chose you."

"You know," the younger man began, swallowing nervously, "I loved you."

"I know," Gin smiled sadly.

It wasn't until the silver-haired man spoke, speaking Izuru's name as a sort of warning, that the lieutenant noticed how close he had brought his face to Gin's, leaning over him with a hand timidly touching his face.

"Please?" The word was spoken in a whisper that sent Izuru's breath to lightly caress the others lips. Without waiting for an answer, he closed the distance, pressing against cracked skin and happily accepting entrance when those lips parted.

"Ahem."

Izuru quickly pulled away, a bright flush visible on his face.

"Hope I'm not interrupting," Rangiku said, her face betraying nothing, a hell butterfly perched on her finger.

"Ran!" Gin said happily, that sly smile sliding across his face. "S'good ta see ya."

"I'm glad that you're finally okay," the female shinigami smiled affectionately before bringing her attention back to Izuru. "Hanataro Yamada sent us a message. Apparently, people are starting to question your whereabouts again. You left too soon."

Izuru sighed and glanced worriedly at Gin, not wanting to leave his side again now that he had finally awoken.

"Go," the pale man said, meeting the other man's gaze with nearly closed eyes, "Ran'll take good care'a me."

"I'll be back," the blonde man promised, running his fingers through silver hair before standing and flash stepping away.

"This isn't the time to play with him, Gin," Rangiku sighed, crossing her arms under her ample chest "He's been through a lot."

"I wasn' playin'," Gin replied, "I meant everythin' I said."

The two settled into a comfortable silence, the tenth division lieutenant taking up the space previously occupied by Izuru Kira. Rangiku felt that she should say something, but couldn't find the words that needed to be said. She didn't want to ruin the surprisingly easy atmosphere, so she settled with closing her eyes and letting her head rest against the wall.

"I missed ya."

Rangiku opened one eye, a smile spreading across her face. That was an understatement to how she felt. She was loyal to the Gotei Thirteen, but there was always a part of her that screamed to the surface, praying that her childhood friend would return to her, claiming that it was all a joke. "I missed you, too."

It was then that Rangiku realized that they never really needed words. That fact that they were there, together and alive, was enough. She didn't demand an explanation, because she didn't feel that she needed one. He didn't question her involvement in his rescue, because he honestly wasn't surprised.

Gins breathing evened out and Rangiku knew that he had fallen asleep. _Good_, she thought, closing her eyes once more, _H__e needs it_.

* * *

Izuru took a bit more time than before to convince his squad members that nothing was wrong. He even sat at his desk to catch up on the mess of paperwork piling up. Even after he distributed the workload between his third and fourth seats, there was still too much for them to keep up with. After he was sure that his squad had stopped worrying about him, he took off once more.

The scene that Izuru walked in on in the cave startled him. Gin was standing in the middle of the space, Shinsou unsheathed in his hand and Rangiku lying not far away. Izuru placed his hand on Wabisuke the moment the ex-captain turned to look at him.

"Are you going to kill me?" the blonde asked, cursing his naiveté and loyalty to such a trickster of a man. Gin just stared at him, slowly placing Shinsou back into its sheath and tying it at his side.

"I ain't gonna hurt ya, Izuru," Gin said, speaking as if he were talking to a confused child. Izuru probed the reiatsu in the room, catching bits of Rangiku's that told him she was merely asleep. Letting go of a breath that he didn't realize he was holding, the lieutenant moved his hand away from Wabisuke. He suddenly felt embarrassed at his mistake.

"Where are you going?" Izuru finally asked, realizing that Gin looked as if he was ready to leave.

"Not sure," the fox-faced man frowned. "Migh' sneak away to tha Livin' World. Hide out for a bit."

"Why can't you just stay?" the timid lieutenant asked quickly, not wanting to see this man leave him again.

"He can't," Rangiku's tired voice replied as she rolled over on her side, "because Yamamoto Sou-taichou will not welcome him back with open arms. He's not that kind of man. He'll be out for blood."

"Take me with you!" Izuru cried, close to dropping to his knees to beg that he not be left behind.

Gin just shook his head, reaching out to place a gentle hand on the younger man's crown. "I can't drag ya down wi' me."

"But . . ."

"I'll come back for ya," Gin promised, "Ya're strong, Izuru, and when I come back, I want ya ta choose where ya belong without ya mind bein' so fulla grief."

Izuru knew he was right, but he still couldn't stand to see him go. He closed his eyes tightly, a slight ache working its way deep into his chest, and nodded. He kept his eyes closed as frail arms wrapped themselves around his stiff body, cool lips pressing against his forehead.

"I loved ya, too," Gin whispered. "I still do. Both of ya." He moved his gaze to Rangiku, standing close and listening intently. She nodded, unable to keep the sadness from her eyes.

Izuru Kira felt those arms remove themselves from around his body and refused to open his eyes until he felt the cold absence of Gin's reiatsu.

"You okay?" Rangiku asked, reaching out to place a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"You know," Izuru said with a shaky voice, tears silently streaming down his cheeks as a grin formed on his lips. "I'm happy that he's alive."

The other shinigami smiled, a slight giggle escaping her lips as she felt wet drops of salty tears flowing from her own eyes.

"Me, too."


End file.
